Almost two-thirds of partnerships find themselves spending the majority of their nighttime hours apart.
Does this fact shock you?
Or do you find it completely understandable?
The common perception is that sleeping separately indicates relationship problems.
Yet, a significant number of couples attribute their improved sleep quality to having their own beds.
Is the trade-off of not enjoying the warmth and comfort of dozing off next to your loved one worth the benefit of a better sleep?
Let’s explore!
Do Separate Beds Spell the End for a Relationship?
The typical image of married life often includes the idea that spouses share a single bedroom.
After all, sleeping in the same bed seems intrinsic to the marital experience.
However, the National Sleep Foundation reports that about 25% of married partners sleep in different beds.
This phenomenon, termed a “sleep divorce,” is rarely discussed openly. Admitting you and your spouse sleep separately isn’t something many are comfortable with.
But why do some couples choose to sleep apart? Is it a sign of an irreparable relationship?
Certainly, that could be the case. High levels of animosity and disagreement can prevent a peaceful, restful night. A small survey revealed that about 25% of couples in separate beds experience diminished intimacy.
However, the primary reason most couples sleep separately is their struggle to achieve restful sleep together.
Their sleep is often interrupted by:
- Loud snoring
- Insomnia and other sleep disturbances
- Differing sleep schedules
- Preferences for certain temperatures, mattress firmness, and background noise levels
Should these couples just endure and accept sleepless nights for the sake of intimacy?
The answer may surprise you…
What Sleep Experts Say
Poor sleep can harm both your relationship and your mental well-being.
Disturbances from your partner, like snoring or restlessness, can make your next day miserable… and you’re likely to place all the blame on them.
This breeds resentment. A continuous lack of sleep can lead to a breakdown in patience and an increase in irritability.
Overtime, this ongoing disturbance can weaken the bond between partners.
The National Sleep Foundation suggests that sleep issues impact the relationships of roughly 1 in 3 couples.
Women, in particular, feel the impact of sleep disruptions more acutely, suffering from insomnia at twice the rate of men.
And the consequences extend beyond mental health. Insufficient sleep is linked to health problems such as obesity, diabetes, and heart disease.
It’s fascinating to think that struggling to sleep soundly next to your partner might be affecting your weight loss efforts, but research supports this.
What changes with prioritizing sleep?
Adequate rest elevates your mood, making you feel more content and resilient. You’re a more compassionate partner when you’re well-rested.
Furthermore, good sleep can enhance your love life.
Sleep is critical for hormone production, including estrogen and testosterone. Indeed, an extra hour of sleep can boost a woman’s libido by 14%.
And it doesn’t stop there; sleep benefits every aspect of your health: metabolism, immune system, and mental sharpness.
You simply feel better, inside and out, with quality sleep.
But what if you’re not keen on a sleep divorce? Is there an alternative?
Achieving Restful Sleep Together
Even sleep professionals acknowledge the unique comfort found in drifting off and awakening beside a partner.
Those moments are cherished enough that some are willing to sacrifice a bit of sleep for them.
The real issue arises in the time between falling asleep and waking up. If your partner’s presence doesn’t interrupt your sleep, you likely won’t even notice they’re there.
Some couples manage to enjoy the best of both worlds by starting the night together and then, if necessary, moving to a separate bed upon waking during the night.
Others sleep in the same room but in distinct beds placed side by side.
Additional strategies include:
- A king-size mattress divided with pillows down the center
- Separate bedding for each individual (the “Scandinavian method”)
- Using headphones or white noise devices/apps
If all else fails and co-sleeping proves impossible, consider sleeping in different rooms for a trial period.
Explain to your partner that while you cherish nighttime closeness, you’re exploring if separate sleeping improves rest.
Approximately 25% of people sleep better alone—you might be among them.
If it doesn’t work out, you can always return to sharing a bed.
No partnership flourishes with both parties suffering from sleep deprivation. Whether you opt for separate sleeping arrangements or not, the key is ensuring both you and your partner get the rest you need.
Frequently Asked Questions:
- Do couples who sleep apart grow apart?
- Not necessarily. Couples can maintain a strong relationship despite sleeping apart by ensuring they spend quality time together, communicate effectively, and express affection in other ways. It’s the quality of the relationship during waking hours that most influences closeness, not the sleeping arrangement.
- Does sleeping together make you closer?
- Sleeping together can foster intimacy and closeness as it provides a physical connection and shared vulnerability. It can be a time for cuddling, conversation, and comfort. However, closeness also depends on the overall health of the relationship, including communication, trust, and mutual respect.
- Is it healthy for couples to sleep together?
- Yes, it can be healthy for couples to sleep together, provided that both partners can get a good night’s sleep. Sharing a bed can increase feelings of safety and attachment and can be beneficial for mental health. However, if sleep disturbances occur, it’s important to address them to ensure both partners remain well-rested.
- What happens when couples stop sleeping together?
- When couples stop sleeping together, it can be a signal of underlying issues in the relationship, but not always. Some couples choose to sleep apart due to sleep disturbances or health reasons and maintain a healthy relationship. However, if the decision to sleep apart stems from relationship dissatisfaction, it may lead to feelings of emotional distance or disconnection if not addressed.
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